lol, internet

Bonzi Buddy – the Revival!

Jul 11th

You thought it was the last time you’d ever see your favorite purple ape in 2005 after Bonzi.com was shut down for installing malicious spyware code in their program?

Think again! Your favorite Internet surfing companion can be brought back to life! And I will show you how, through your own Dr. Frankenstein experiment.

But why Trag, why would you want to bring back such a godawful and annoying Barney-esque monster from the past? It’s simple see, once my army of Bonzi’s are ready and I obtain enough bananas to power our… well let’s just say I have my reasons.

Bonzi_buddy First thing is first, this is not the original BonziBuddy program – I have searched and searched and I am unable to find an installer on the web. I would love to try it in a Win98 sandbox environment. However…

What we will be doing is installing the Microsoft Agent components for Windows (deprecated now, but for many of us it was our first experience with text-to-speech), loading the Bonzi Buddy model, and then giving you full control over and the ability to program his every action!

Instructions to make your Bonzi-Frankenstein Beast:
1. Download/Install MSAgent Core files.
2. Download/Install the Lernout & Hauspie TruVoice TTS Engine
3. Download the Bonzi model and move it to your MSAgent chars folder.
Typically this is found in “C:\Windows\msagent\chars“
4. Download/Install Microsoft Agent Scripting Helper (MASH)

Optional files: You may need these files depending on your OS/configuration:
1. Microsoft Speech Recognition Engine
2. Microsoft Speech Control Panel Icon

Making Bonzi do stuff!
Open MASH to start the fun.
Close the Tip of the Day and select Bonzi from the Character drop down.
From here you can use MASH to make him speak, animate and move position. All of your actions will be automatically recorded in the “Script” pane below (you can disable this by unchecking “Auto-Add Actions to Script”). Clicking “Show and Tell” will go through all of the animations programmed for Bonzi.

Does Bonzi not sound quite like you remember? Select “TTS Voice” from the menu on the left and scroll through and try to find a more suitable voice. Still not right? Choose “Adv Speak” from the menu to the left, and try adjusting the pitch/speed. With enough adjustment you might be able to find the secret dark secret frequencies which enables Bonzi’s capability to…. I’m getting carried away again. Just try downloading more voices from below!

Enjoy your blast from the past, without spyware!

You can get more characters here:
Microsoft Agent Ring Characters

You can get more voices here:
Microsoft Agent Ring Setup Page (scroll down to step 2)

Resources and other helpful websites regarding MSAgent and BonziBuddy:
Microsoft Agent Ring
MASH Developer Website

bonzi, bonzibuddy, download, gorilla, oldschool, purple, software, spyware

regarding long phone rings

Jun 6th

Posted by Trag in Trag

No comments

If you call me, and i don’t pick up after 1 minute, just fucking hang up.
If 1 minute has passed since the first ring you heard, I am probably:

1) taking a shit
2) making food
3) jerking it
4) sleeping/ignoring the fact the phone is ringing

Honestly, when you call and don’t hang up until 3 solid minutes of ringing has taken place, it makes me want to find out who you are, track you down and kill you.

I give up if I don’t have an answer within 30 seconds of ringing.
That is the cap in the modern world, when most voice mail systems will trigger.
Most people have grown accustomed to this, but i guess a few fucktards out there need 3 minutes to let the realization sink in.

To you, long telephone ringer – enjoy this flaccid wiener.

hang up, long, phone, ring